Friday, November 1, 2013

Confession....

I feel I need to be open and honest...
Do not mistake me... I love what I do and know I am right where God would have for me to be.... However....

There are times...
when I wish I were home....
when I wish I had my Glock and a shooting range....
when I wish I could hide in the hay and cry....

There are times....
When I wish I could run to my quiet place in the woods,
When I wish I could be alone there to cry and pour my heart out to God.....
When I wish I could be in my special place, and not in the city...

There are times...
When my faith waivers...
When I know God has a reason, but I just can't see it now...
When I don't want to wait, when trusting hurts...

There are times...
When I want to give up...
When I want to go home...
When I just want to hold my family close....

Thankfully....
These days don't come often...
Most days I can be strong....
But I am learning that I don't always have to be strong....

ITS OK....

I am LEARNING....
It is ok to cry in front of others...

I am LEARNING....
It is ok to share my pain....

I am LEARNING....
It is ok to be human....

I am learning... it is a long process... Dealing with grief and sadness has always been very difficult for me... Why? Because I am strong and do not like others to see me when I am vulnerable... when I see myself as weak....

These days come, and it is hard to accept that they are a part of life... a part of life as a missionary... I am not the first that has dealt with this and will surely not be the last... I am right where God has called for me to be and I can rely on His strength to help me through. He has given me friends here that are so supportive. He has given me a family, a church, and friends back home who love and support me all the time... And for that I am grateful. God truly is good to me.... even though life can be hard and at times seems unfair. He never gives up on me and when I am having a bad day, He is still extends His grace and shows me His love.
But if you think of me, please say a prayer... not only for me, but for my family... and especially my Grandmother.... we could really use them... Thank you friends for your understanding and prayers!

9 comments:

  1. We love you, and stand with you as your PH family, Sarah. You are not alone, even in these feelings.
    Comfort from the One who made your heart,
    Melissa

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  2. Praying for you, Sarah and your family. I second Melissa whole-heartedly!! I know you have a lot of prayer partners and friends onsite, but don't hesitate to ask me if you need more specific prayers or support!!!
    Miss and love you dear sister in Christ!!
    Remember our Jehovah Shammah and Rapha!! He is our Comforter and Ever Present Help!!

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  3. I hear you! I am praying for you and your family. Being the "strong one" is hard but your honestly is beautiful:) 2 Timothy 2!!! All of it but especially verses 3 + 4 Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.'
    God is doing a good work through you!

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  4. Been praying, Sarah. I am sure it's hard not being home at a time like this...there are many praying!

    "There are times...
    When my faith waivers...
    When I know God has a reason, but I just can't see it now...
    When I don't want to wait, when trusting hurts..."
    <------ I have recently been here. I was bottling it up. I finally broke down and cried to my husband! He reminded me that God has an exact plan. And even though I KNOW that, it can still be hard and it can still hurt! So you aren't the only one who deal with these feelings~ Which I am sure you know, but thanks for your openness!
    We love you!

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  5. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support! I feel your love! The Lord has used your words to be an encouragement to my heart and to help keep my eyes focused on HIM.... Thank you all! God bless!

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  6. I love you my sweet Sarah, I am praying for you, your family, and your grandmother - trust the Lord and lean on His everlasting arms. I too would have a hard time being so far away from home especially with family hurting, but God is with you and you are where He wants you to be. Love you sweetie.

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  7. Sarah, I know it is kind of late to reply. However, I was really praying for you at this time. I asked your parents how you were doing and I kept sending my love to you through my prayers to God. I love you so much & think of you often. It is difficult to not have internet & keep in touch with you, but it is so good to know that God is always in control,even when times are really, really tough. Lots of love to you,
    Lil' sister Carissa

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    Replies
    1. My dear friend, it is never to late :) I greatly appreciate you and your sweet spirit! Your prayers were greatly felt! I know it is hard not being in touch as much, but do know you are often on my mind and in my prayers! I look forward to seeing you and your family again in a few short months! God Bless!

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